1. this book is making me think. it's reminding me who i am. it is re-teaching me how to live. she's brilliant, yet simple. i downloaded it on my phone and read it at night when berkeley won't sleep, but he wants me to hold him and comfort him. since it's on my phone, i can "bookmark" pages, but i can't highlight, so when he's napping during the day, i go through the pages i've bookmarked and write down my favorite thoughts of hers into my journal. it's therapeutic.
2. being a mom is hard. i wonder when i'll be able to go a whole night without a lamp or a closet light on just so i can monitor berkeley's breathing. i keep reminding myself that i can rest, that god will watch over him while i sleep, but so far, i can't let go completely. also, berkeley likes to sleep all day and none at night, with the exception of 45 minute little naps. the books say to keep it quiet and dark in your home at night so he knows it's nighttime, but i get so bored, i just HAVE to turn on HGTV at some point. another thing, he's hungry. A LOT. he eats about every hour and a half to two hours. so that keeps a mama busy :) BUT....
3. being a mom is the most wonderful part of my life so far. i love how he brings derek and me together. we have to team up to take care of him, and the result is beautiful. i like knowing berkeley and i are awake by ourselves in the middle of the night. it's just us and we are constantly learning about one another. he stares at me forever, taking in my features, memorizing the face of his mama. i watch him snooze, and adore each and every breath he takes. i love that he needs me to survive. if we are not together, he cannot eat. before he was born, i thought this might be suffocating, but now that i've experienced it, i have to say, feeding him is my favorite part about being a mom. we are so close. it's basically just like cuddling, and i LOVE to cuddle.
4. i miss the outdoors. i miss running. i miss going on walks. i miss spinning classes. i spend many moments trying to figure out how to fit these things back into my life again. but two week olds have no schedule, so i never know when i leave the house if he's going to get hungry or not. even if i've just fed him (this boy loves to eat). i went on a 15 MINUTE walk the other night on the golf course with my mom, and when we got back, berkeley was screaming and derek was trying his best to comfort and soothe him. the thing is, derek has no milk, so that wasn't happening.
this is going to be an adventure.
i was meant to be a mom. derek was meant to be a dad. roger (our dog) was meant to be a big brother :) we were meant to be a family.
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