Bright, Pretty Things: July 2013

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

hard things into easy

I have not blogged in a very long time. but things in my life are changing drastically very soon, and I know i'll want to look back and read about it all one day, which is really the only reason for this blog.

Derek took off of work this week for a staycation. we have spent it playing outside with the boys, letting the boys fall asleep for the night in the car while we drive to starbucks for a late night caffeine boost (so I could finish the last of my grad school work!), eating greek food, going to a traveler's game with friends (tomorrow!), aaaaaaannnnnnddddd.....preparing my new classroom BECAUSE I am now a 6th grade literacy and social studies teacher.

yeah, i'm scared to death. not really about the teaching part. i'm super excited to be a teacher. it's why I went back to school after all :) I also love 6th grade students. they are awesome! 6th grade was one of my favorite grades in school ever! no, I am scared to death because my sweet little plan was to stay home with Berkeley and sam until they went to kindergarten or AT LEAST preschool. I told everyone that that asked me my plan. but back in the spring I felt prompted to apply for a couple of jobs, and another one this summer. I told god over and over that I wanted to stay home with Berkeley and sam, but if he wanted me to have a job, he'd get me one. from what I've heard, most of the time it's pretty difficult around central Arkansas to get a good teaching job, so it seemed sort of miraculous that I got one with such ease. GOD.

so for the first 48 hours after getting the job I sobbed. every time Berkeley or sam would smile I would break down. they are just too sweet. I can't even handle it. but still. somehow I know this is for me. at least for this time in my life. I had all these plans of staying home and getting my doctorate while the boys were young. and I still think I will one day. it's a dream to teach a the college level.

but I have a feeling a might be created to be a teacher mom. I think I can do it! god is teaching me about fear and trust. trust and fear. if I've ever been close to him, it's going to be this year, because wow, he's all I've got! I mean, I have Derek, and I have two precious boys, and a mom and dad that are wonderful, and a good set of friends. but god is the only one that can take my fear and turn it into peace. he is all I need. how simple is that? but how true.

I am learning from a million books, and bible verses, and blogs right now. but this applies right now for sure:

"it's wonderful what miracles god works in wills that are utterly surrendered to him. he turns hard things into easy, and bitter into sweet. it is not that he puts easy things in the place of the hard. but he actually changes the hard thing into an easy one."
- Hannah whithal smith

good stuff.