this messy, cluttered, good life.

One thing that has been the most difficult for me as a mom is how often our life becomes chaotic and messy. You CAN.NOT control it. It’s impossible. You can try your very best. You can even keep up with everything for a few days…and then in an instant it all falls apart. I often find myself saying to Derek in the evenings, “it looks like our house just exploded.” Actually, I probably say that every night.

I’ve been struggling with it since right before Berkeley was born. I was so afraid I was going to go into labor and the house would be a wreck, and we’d have to bring our first baby home to a mess.

But this week I was reading “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young (along with the rest of the world), and I finally got some peace about it all.

“I am calling you to a life of constant communion with Me. Basic training includes learning to live above your circumstances, even while interacting on that cluttered plane of life. You yearn for a simplified lifestyle so that your communication with me can be uninterrupted. But I challenge you to relinquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world. Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all.
Talk with Me about every aspect of your day, including your feelings. Remember that your ultimate goal is not to fix everything around you; it is to keep communing with Me. A successful day is one in which you have stayed in contact with Me, even if many things remain undone at the end of the day. Do not let your to-do list (written or mental) become an idol directing your life. Instead, ask My Spirit to guide you moment by moment. He will keep you close to Me.”

Those paragraphs have brought much clarity and peace into my life. It’s scary to think, but I do believe my to-do list had become an idol. I actually can’t think of a day that it hasn’t been lately. That mental and written list each day directed my every step and mood. Don’t get me wrong. I thoroughly enjoy my precious children. We play non-stop. All day long. And I honestly don’t think I put housework and errands and to-do’s before them. But those other things are always at the back of my mind making me a nervous wreck. These words this week were permission to let that all go. Yes, I need to take care of my other duties as a wife and mom and student, but all I have to do is acknowledge God in all my ways and He will make my paths straight (Proverbs 3:6).

And hey, this messy, cluttered life has made me aware that every single moment of my life is FULL. And MEANINGFUL. That’s a pretty sweet thing to think about.

In our small group the other night (we are one of the only couples with kids), they asked everyone how we make each day count, not just letting the days pass by. I think it’s actually easier as a parent to make each day count because every moment is filled with teaching, and loving, and caring for another person other than yourself-constantly asking God to show his love to your family through you.

So beautiful.